Your EQ holding you back?

Facilitated by:
Frank Ciecierski and Jerry Walsh

“He’s one of the most intelligent people I know, but he can’t seem to get ahead.”
“Her IQ is out of sight, but she doesn’t get along with anybody.”
“That client brings in a lot of dollars, but I sometimes wonder if it is worth all the aggravation.”

Do any of these sound familiar? If you are using these types of statements to describe people you know, the “but” is an indicator that there is an Emotional Intelligence (EI) issue at hand. Emotional Intelligence, not IQ, is the most common element among successful people. EI is the ability to make rational decisions even in highly emotional and stress producing situations.

Consider this example. Alex, a prominent attorney with a well known law firm, walks into Mary’s office as he does on an almost weekly basis, and says, “I don’t understand why people can’t simply do what I ask them to do. When I left last night, I wrote specific instructions to have three copies of this brief made and on my desk by ten o’clock this morning. It’s now ten thirty and I still don’t have them. What’s wrong with your office staff? Can’t they read English?” Mary, who has been the administrator with the firm for eight years, replies, “Alex, you seem upset. I know it’s frustrating to you when your instructions aren’t followed. I will have copies made for you immediately, and I will find out why you didn’t have them by ten. Is there any other way I can help you right now?”

Alex is angry and takes his anger out on Mary. Mary recognizes Alex’s anger and effectively handles the situation, diffusing the emotion and solving the problem. Mary is demonstrating a high level of Emotional Intelligence. Alex is not. Alex is being controlled by his emotions, and as a result, his behavior is reactive and explosive. Mary, caught off guard, is still in control of her emotions. Her behavior, therefore, is contemplative and calm. It is Mary’s actions that insure the working relationship with Alex will remain productive.

Mary was in a potentially explosive situation. She could easily have gotten defensive and returned Alex’s attack. Their anger would have revealed itself in many other situations throughout the day